A Heavy Heart

                  

Unfortunately, today brought with it much frustration for me.  Very trivial things really as I reflect upon the day but during those exasperating  moments, I felt the fire that sometimes burns within me.

And my Robin got the brunt of it this evening as I discovered a borrowed DVD  ruined in his bedroom.  I left his room in anger heading downstairs to take a shower, which felt long overdue.  I left  him alone on his bed to go to sleep.

He did not receive from me kisses on his head while hearing me say over and over,  "I love you, I love you, I love you."  I did not breathe in that sweet smell of his hair as I stroked his arm as we visited about his day.

When I went downstairs, I noticed on the Family Room couch his blanket.  The one that has gone to bed with him every night since he was a baby.  In my hurry and anger, I did not take it up to him.  I thought about it but I did not do it.  In my mind I thought Ryan would rescue him. I thought he would soon go into his room to love on him and reassure him.

Upon getting out of the bathroom, I noticed that his blanket was not on the couch.  I was glad to see it gone.  I knew he had it.  

When I got upstairs, I discovered Ryan asleep in our bedroom rocking chair holding Grace.  I woke him and asked if he had given Jace his blanket.  He said "no".  So, he had gotten it himself.

I opened his door and walked into his room.  Hoping he was awake so that I could make things right.

There was my precious boy, curled up asleep under his blanket.  I looked at his sweet face.  I wondered what thoughts had filled his mind tonight as he walked down the stairs to the Family Room for his blanket, and then lying alone in bed, waiting for sleep to come.

Many questions came to my mind as I gazed at him.  Would he have sweet dreams tonight? Was his heart as heavy as mine?  Had he longed to snuggle with me as I did him?  Then I wept. 

So tomorrow, my Robin, I will make amends.